London Bridges Falling Down.

Friday, April 26, 2013

So I've been falling a lot lately.
Well falling figuratively and literally.

I have been super hard on myself recently.
Thinking that I am not good enough that I need to try ten times harder to achieve something when I am already doing my best.
I have been telling myself that eventually I will stop being so hard on myself and it seems each time I tell myself that I will lighten up I just get more stressed out and afraid that I am going to fall down (figuratively) or that I am going to fail.

What's even funnier is it comes in waves of ups and day I am so happy to be who I am and then there are other days where I feel not good enough and as though I am in my own life as a stranger who is trying to manipulate and mess up certain parts of what's going good in my life.

I have been jumping to irrational conclusions but for what? Trying to find something wrong with what is good. Like the good is a trick so that I fall harder.

However, I have successfully (almost) completed 16 hours of classes...SIXTEEN! I believed in myself, my family believed in me, and my friends supported me.
I did something that I thought I would not be able to complete and I did it!

I have been doing things to better myself and figure out more of who I am. I am being the person I have wanted to be (minus the times where I give myself an unrealistic hard time).
And that in itself is an accomplishment.

So getting to the falling literally.
I don't think I ever truly wrote about my ACL surgery that I had back in December.
It was a long time coming.
So anyways, I had the surgery and then recovered fairly well. It was defiantly a roller coaster ride I don't remember alot but then I do remember things (like I was an emotional roller coaster due to pain meds and just an all around struggle and also a struggle that bettered me)

However, two weeks (about) ago I fell down, hard. With out my knee brace on at school. Spilled two venti caramel macchiatos all over my butt which was just not attractive, a skinned knee, and a slightly embarrassed me because well for one it happened at school and two I cried in front of this macho cop.

So I took the right steps, I got the MRI today. And I find out Wednesday if I have to have surgery....again.
However I did find out I can get a different color brace so that way I don't look like my leg is a giant zebra (obviously the most important part of my knee surgery recovery)

So whether I fell figuratively or literally I am getting back up and dusting my self up and isn't that what is most important?

Keep Calm and Carry On.

"So go ahead. Fall down. The world looks different from the ground" -Oprah Winfrey