A Little On Trust

Friday, October 11, 2013

Hey there all my lovely readers! So, usually  I stray away from super personal topics and topics that are a little more...vulnerable? (if that's the right word). However, I wrote this about a week ago and I finally decided that I would post it! So, happy Friday folks! I hope you enjoy this! (it's a little lengthy  but worth it!) 

Trust: It’s a five letter word, a simple word right? It’s a word that is so easy to say, so easy to think but so hard to actually mentally accept. We are born as little infants who know nothing; our worlds are just what they are. We have no reason to not trust anyone. In fact as infants it’s the one time that we do unwillingly trust. And by unwillingly I mean our parents, they took care of us, they made sure we didn’t fall down and hit our heads, they fed us, and made sure our diapers were fresh. They began our lives showing us that we can trust them. We then grow up with them learning how to trust. And as teenagers, we break their trust. We defy them, after all those years of them building up trust and giving us trust. We grow up, turn into teenagers, think we know everything, and defy them. Breaking  the strong bond between us and our parents that once was.  Yet, they forgave us, they almost forgot what happened, forgave us, and moved on because they LOVED us.

Then as we grew up some more we began dating, we began liking people for more than their looks. We began seeing people as potential soul mates. As a girl growing up I had this expectation that my love life was going to be a romantic comedy (talk about unrealistic expectations). While there will be moments of cheesy, sappy, romantic gestures, and conversations. This is not every day. (Sorry gals, if you want a notebook kind of relationship, start acting). But, back to my point, we begin handing our hearts over to someone. (Too dramatic?) I don’t think so because that’s exactly what is happening. You are showing yourself to another person. You are showing all sides of you, the good, the adorable, the ugly, the frustrated, the angry, the fear, the sadness, basically you are showing it all. (Of course in time. Don’t get all crazy emotional..ain’t nobody got time for that). But, my point is, we start to become vulnerable…and it can be the hardest thing you actually do.

However, plot twist; there is that one relationship that kicked you to the ground. It made you wonder how you could ever be loved, or how you could ever get back on your feet again to care for someone again. Maybe you were more invested in the relationship than the other person. Maybe you were in love with them, but they were in love with someone else. Maybe behind your back they were off with someone else taking them on dates, telling them sweet things and leading you on. (also known as cheating).

You were in love with them, (okay, maybe infatuated, but it seemed like love). You TRUSTED them, you believed almost every word that came out of their mouth because you had no reason not to, or you chose to be blind. You knew in your heart that their actions did not match up with this image you had created in your head. That you were putting in more to the relationship than they were, you were doing the work for two, instead of the work for one.
Then, one day it hits you, you have a realization. Maybe on your own, or maybe it is thrown into your face in a situation and you have no choice but to see. You are not to them what they are to you. You are not theirs and they are yours.

Then, all of a sudden that trust you initially had in that person (and at this time any person) is gone; completely demolished. You have no choice but to see that you had trust in someone who broke your trust in every single way possible. There were signs, you know there were. You look back and you notice the signs, you see how you should have been skeptical, how something defiantly was not right. How 75% of the relationship was bullhonkey, and 25% (the beginning of the relationship) was legit. You feel depressed, you don’t want to leave your bed, you would rather sit and eat a pint of ice cream than go out and do something. You start realizing how many signs there really were.

Then you come to the conclusion, somehow; that you can never love again and that you can never be loved. You thought what you had was love, you thought you could trust. And now you wonder how can I ever trust again? How can that bond be built again? What did I do wrong to have this act of selfishness come upon me?
So for months you sit around and you ponder- you recover. You were just thrown to the ground and broken into a million little pieces and you have to begin to pick them all up. You have to start facing facts. Honestly, maybe you avoid facts for a while because you just are not ready to face the reality of what really happened. That there really wasn’t anything where you thought there was something. That you were making something out of nothing, that you deserved better, and that this guy, this jerk, he wasn’t your other shoe.

So again, for months things start coming together, you start to feel whole again. You have found your independence and you decide that for a while you are going to flourish in this life of being a “free spirit”. You are going to bask in this new found love for yourself. You begin to flourish, you are learning something new about yourself every day, and your relationships with your friends are at an all-time high. You wonder, “Do I even need someone? I have myself isn’t that enough?” You begin to feel lonely and you feel incomplete because you are realizing that it is not enough. You try new things to fill this gap, (shopping, trying new foods, finding new hobbies) but, you realize that you are enough for you but there is still something missing.
You realize that you have recovered that you can trust again. That all of those thoughts out of sadness and anger were false, and you  are finally realizing that you can love again.
When you finally realize that you can love again, you become skeptical at first. Because, you are starting something new and fresh (meaning, you have no reason not to trust). Yes, that’s right this relationship is now an infant, in the hands of two people who can shape its future. And guess what, you both have some type of baggage, because no one is perfect.
Time passes with this relationship and you notice, you have fear, you fear that history will repeat itself. That you are going to fall head over heels and then get crushed. However, that is no way to look at a relationship. Because guess what, this guy you’re dating now, he is not the same guy! AT ALL. And you begin to see that you are thinking of the worst possible outcome, you get afraid, and you try to look for problems because in your last relationship you had on the L-O-V-E goggles and everything seemed “perfect”. So now you are skeptical and fearful. Yet, you know that things are different, that you found a good guy. That he has given you no reason for you not to trust him. He isn’t perfect, but no one’s perfect. But you start to see that his actions are different than the last guy. He checks up on you, sure he’s busy but he thinks about you, he makes time for you, he makes you laugh, and he deals with your emotional rump at 3o’clock in the morning because he cares for you.

So then you realize that fear is


You realize that you need to begin to trust again, and that trust is possible. You have to tell yourself that this is not the same, he is not the same and I am not the same. And, you begin, everyday realizing that you can trust this person. You realize they will give you what you need. Sure, you’re afraid. But it’s good because this type of fear means that you have something to lose. (and you don’t want to lose it)

So I say this. Don’t forget that all wounds heal, with time everything passes, and life goes on. Don’t give up, don’t shy away from the hard truth, give yourself the love you deserve, listen to your gut and your heart, be skeptical but don’t put up barriers. It is possible to move on and to love again no matter the circumstance. There is someone for everyone, respect yourself, and know when to walk away.

Just because one idiot did something stupid, don’t let that one stupid jerk affect the rest of your life. There is someone who will see you for perfectly imperfect.

Keep Calm and Carry On 

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